


sincerity only gets me so far (i'm a selfish bitch)

by summoned_liam



Category: No Fandom
Genre: :), I Love You, M/M, agshjdsgfdhmgj, but like, don't say it back because i'll fall for you harder than i already have, love is a bitch :), shit hi how was your day :), this is great
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:07:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29867520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summoned_liam/pseuds/summoned_liam
Summary: "I love you too"
Kudos: 2





	1. may i please help you (lest i cast my thoughts into fire)

**Author's Note:**

> it's a rantfic what more can i say
> 
> god fuck i'm kinda cringe aint i mate

you make me so happy, but then you leave

i know i have no right to be so furious

i just want to give you the love and support i _promised_ i would

i'll support you until the day i die, if you'd allow me to

but  
  
please just stop fucking leaving or let me go,

because i can't bear waiting for something that ends as two short messages that bring nothing but more worry and frustration

you've trapped me in this box of needing your love to function like i need air to breathe

you've helped me so much, but you won't open up to me and i don't understand why.

do you not trust me with your feelings

it hurts to think i'm selfish enough to believe i deserve them

i love you and i want to help you but i can't if you don't tell me why you're hurting

and i see that you're hurting

i see it in the days left unread

i promised to love and support you just as much as you promised to love and support me,

but in the end you've given me all the support and love you can-

although all you allow me to give you is my love.

this provides instability

so now you leave and i'm left loving and wishing i could support you

and i get nothing in return

so let me go already

tell me you genuinely, actually care, or let me go

because i can't feel trapped in my relationship as much as i feel trapped in my life.

i can't feel as worthless to you as i feel worthless to everyone else.

i can't feel unwanted by the person i love the most, or i'll fucking break

and i'm _trying_ not to break.


	2. time of reckoning (being introspective is a bitch)

am i just really damn forgettable? 

is that why you so easily leave me to feel unwanted for days on end?

how simple is it to ignore me?

am i just incredibly annoying? 

i wasn't like this before i met you

you've changed me, and i'm not sure if it's for the better

i say i wouldn't be able to live without you

but the more days you leave me unread,

the more i realize that's entirely untrue

i've discovered i don't need you to be there 

i stay by your side though you make haste to go

even if it would hurt less to request your true opinions on me

and we both know what i'd hear

so please, if you really love me

tell me why you don't come back for days

tell me, honestly, if you're okay

tell me _please,_ if you truly love me

because i don't know how much longer i can take this

i love you

goodnight


	3. i'll always love you (i'll always be waiting for you to come back)

why does having lost you hurt less than losing you

i lost you, but you were always waiting for me

you still loved me, even more than ever when i returned

but now i feel like i'm losing you

and it hurts

but it's not a painful sort of hurt

i don't feel empty

i don't feel lost

i'm just

there

i feel - worried

worried for you, worried for us

sometimes even worried for myself

guilt - i shouldn't feel like this

frustration towards you - _do you even think of me anymore? and if you do, why won't you talk to me?_

frustration towards myself - _why can't i just be fucking sane and have some damn tact for once in my life_

frustration towards things i can't control - _what the hell are mood swings i swear one moment i'm on the verge of setting myself on fire the next i'm enveloped in some romance novel (maybe i should burn that in my stead)_

i feel so many things

sometimes i just get so fucking _angry_

but really i just miss you

can you at the very least - please - tell me _why_ you won't talk to me?

or

or maybe you're just

busy

or

tired

so i'll shsshhshs

i don't want to stress you out any more than i already fucking am right

i love you


	4. exhaustion hurts more than tears ("sorry for not responding sooner")

are you?

you finally came back - and you apologized fervently.

but then you left again, and my subdued sadness has turned into a violent anger

i'm sick and tired

of being tired of lies  
  


  
how many times now have you apologized

only to disappear again with no apparent hesitation 

the whispering in my mind says 'it's not that big of a deal, if you really love him you'll wait for him patiently'

and i would

  
  
i have

  
  
i really, i have, i swear  
  


  
but you see, the last time i chose to wait for someone to return, they came back and promptly left my side

  
  
seemingly only returning out of guilt for saying nothing towards their sudden lack of care 

  
  
and though i let them go, those buried trust issues still remain.

  
all is not okay

not when nausea creeps through my throat at a frustratingly short message that will be the last i hear for days

  
  
i can't wait forever 

  
  
this hurts so _much  
  
  
_  
but i love you

  
  
i really, truly love you, more than anything.

  
  
hhhhh  
  
  
  
i'm fine 

**Author's Note:**

> shit hi how was your day i love you


End file.
